When I searched for the word “validation” on Google, I was shown definitions from Oxford Languages, the search engine’s default go-to dictionary. Two of their bullet points seemed relevant to this week’s theme.
The first tells us that validation is “the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something.” And the second definition, “Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.” Both definitions remind me a lot of recent news coverage.
That is, sometimes people may exaggerate a claim out of a need for acceptance and validation. This illustration resembles the persistent strategy employed by our current administration. The current example is an initial claim that the recent bombing mission in Iran obliterated that country’s nuclear capacity, before the damage could be validated.
A 2024 article posted by ImPossible Psychological Services explains the difficulties arising from validation-seeking behavior and how to detect it. After all, they confirm that “Seeking validation is an innate human tendency as individuals often crave attention and recognition from others to validate their worth and identity.”
However, an emotionally healthy individual can balance their need for external validation with their internal sense of self-worth, rather than depending on others for affirmation, approval, or acknowledgment. Emotionally unhealthy individuals may display a continuous need for approval. For example, they often post updates on social media, seeking likes, comments, or shares to validate their self-worth.
Such a person reacts strongly to any form of criticism or constructive feedback. They often take even minor comments personally and view them as a threat to their self-esteem. In response, they go after immediate validation that contradicts the perceived criticism.
People suffering from validation-seeking behavior constantly compare themselves to others, especially in terms of achievements, appearance, or success. They frequently feel a need for constant affirmation or approval before making decisions.
None of these traits bode well for persons in positions of power.
In our companion book for this series, The First Phone Call From Heaven, skeptics are calling for validation of the miracles. When asked by News Reporter, Amy Penn, “What’s been the hardest part?” Katherine Yellin responded, “That people don’t believe me.”
In an article published by MyMichigan Health, Brandan Snook, a program therapist for the Psychiatric Partial Hospitalization Program at the University of Michigan Medical Center in Alma, Michigan, offers helpful suggestions for family conversations. Specifically, conversations with people who view the world differently than you do. The caregiver’s advice is to provide validation for the other person’s point of view.
Snook explains validation as “finding the kernel of truth in someone’s perspective or situation.” But there are levels of validation, Snook explains. The most basic validation is paying attention. In the next level, you repeat back what the person says, but in your own words. Neither of these suggests a hint of agreement, but it does communicate that what they say matters to you.
The third level of validation involves trying to say what wasn’t said. That is, validating how you’re interpreting what the person is conveying emotionally. You might say, “I can see that you’re passionate about this.” If you guessed wrong, allow the person to correct you. Your response further validates the importance of the person.
I find the next level a bit tricky. Snook suggests validating that there is justification for the person to have their point of view. Given their context, it’s understandable that they reached the conclusion that they’re presenting.
If you’ve made it this far, it’s time to share what makes sense to you from what they’re saying. Can you see why it all makes sense to them?
Last, but always a good idea. Convey a sense of equality with them. Avoid sarcasm or any responses that suggest that you’re a level above them.
In this week’s reading from our companion book, validation of the miracles was in jeopardy. One of the chosen was a teenager named Kelly Podesto. Kelly had claimed that she also received a call from heaven. A call from her deceased best friend. However, we learned that she made the story up.
Does this mean that all the calls were a hoax? Not necessarily? But the teenagers’ prank reenergized those who had doubts. And Kelly’s confession both inspired Sully and gave him a new lead. All of the chosen ones were on the same phone plan, except for Kelly. Coincidence or conspiracy? Sully was intent on finding out.
Meanwhile, Katherine visits a patient in a local hospital, diagnosed with advanced Leukemia. Ben Wilkes, who was 74, had written Katherine asking if she would tell him about heaven. During her visit, Ben asked Katherine, “Does she explain the rules? About who gets in?”
Katherine gave Ben an answer, backed up by scripture, that easily rolls off the tongue. “All who accept the Lord get in?” Katherine responded, although her sister, Diane, never really said this.
Their conversation ended as Katherine assured Ben, “There is life after this life.” The next day, Ben died. He would soon know firsthand.
There were mixed reactions to this story. Particularly as news broke that six other patients, who had seen the video captured by reporter Amy Penn, also died unexpectedly. Mitch Albom writes, “Although these people would have passed away eventually, the mystery of death is why it chooses a particular moment. With no earthly answer, coincidence can become conspiracy.”
God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ.
Romans 3:22
We also learn more about what happened to Sully. The Navy pilot had drinks with friends the night before being asked to fly. He didn’t know ahead of time that his departure would violate the rule ”24 hours from bottle to throttle.” A blood test revealed a trace of alcohol in his system.
“There are two stories for every life,” Sully mused, “The one you live, and the one others tell.”
The miracle was not the same for everyone. Doreen’s initial joy gave way to a depressive sadness. For Doreen, the miracles hadn’t changed anything. She already believed Robbie was in heaven. And the wound left from the death of her son, Robbie, had only recently begun to heal. But a phone call from heaven reopened her wound, and now she wanted it all to stop. Instead of feeling reconnected, she was living the death of her son over again.
Luke recounts a time when Jesus was asked a question by a lawyer that was similar to the one Ben asked Katherine. “What must I do to receive eternal life?” In other words, “What are the rules? Who gets into heaven?”
Jesus responded with a question, “What does scripture tell you?” The lawyer responded with an answer that makes a lot of sense. “Love God and love your neighbor.” “You’re right,” Jesus replied, “Do this and you will live.”
But the lawyer felt a need to justify himself, Luke reports. Isn’t this really the same idea as seeking validation? Was the lawyer not satisfied that Jesus agreed with him? Did the lawyer feel a need to show others how clever he was?
“Who is my neighbor?” the lawyer asked in follow-up. Great question. So Jesus tells a story about how a stranger in need was ignored by persons expected to show mercy. He was helped by someone not expected to offer assistance. “Which one was a neighbor to the man in need?” Jesus asked as the story ended.
The Lawyer responded, “The one who offered help.” Again, Jesus reminds the lawyer, the others listening on that day, and the rest of us, “Go and do the same.”
The Apostle Paul tells us, in his letter to the Church in Rome, that we’re made right with God by our faith in Jesus Christ. This is the key to eternal life in heaven. And Jesus taught us, through both word and action, what faith in Him looks like to others.
Love God and neighbor through both word and deed. This is how we validate our faith in Jesus Christ. This is how we live, both in this life and in the life to come.
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This is a reminder that we publish a weekly newsletter called the Circuit Rider. You can request this publication by email by sending a request to FlintAsburyUMC@gmail.com, or let us know when you send a message through our website. We post an archive of past editions on our website under Connect – choose Newsletters.
Pastor Tommy
Our series was inspired by Mitch Albom. The First Phone Call from Heaven. New York: HarperCollins, 2014.
Brandan Snook. “The Power of Validation.” © MyMichigan Health, December 12, 2023. Retrieved from: link
“Common Signs Of Validation-seeking Behaviour in Relationships.” © ImPossible Psychological Services, January 19, 2024. Retrieved from: link